Fists of Fury I

My brother-in-law, Showieb, brought it to my attention that I haven't been publishing any "fists of fury" stories. What are the "fists of fury"? Basically, they are stories of my alter-ego...an angry version of the calm Tanookie. These are stories about incompetent, stupid, and otherwise, retarded individuals who come across my path and make the eyes roll in the back of my head. Not to mention make my soul simmer...

Today, Hassan sent me on an "errand" to return a pair of chinos to Eddie Bauer (WITHOUT a reciept). He thought they were too light and he had plenty of chinos in similar colors. I was on a tight schedule because I had an eye appointment at 3pm...so I swung by Columbia Mall to return them. Oh, oh.....I should have guessed that this annoying salesperson would be there that day (A&Z, you know who I'm talking about). Let's call him "Al" in this story (no Paul Simon-pun intended).

He's this tall lanky, light-skinned AAM, who has a very annoying and potentially creepy persona about him. I tell him "Just looking" even though I was actually looking for a gift for my brother.

Anyways, I'm third in line and he's ringing up a person and trying to convince him to get an Eddie Bauer card for 10% off his purchase. Meanwhile, there are 2 other registers open and 3 other workers folding and refolding clothes...none of them have "register privileges", so it's all up to this lanky man to do my return.

All is well until, Al asks the man to see another credit card to varify his credit line. The guy asks why, seems distrustful of the whole thing, and flat-out refuses to give him the credit card. They have a small "arguement" challenging why do they have to see the card, identity theft since 9/11, the government, social security cards for non-citizens, and other random flight-of-ideas. He continues to ring up the man's items, but continues to talk about why he needed to see the card. "I understand" the man repeats over and over again. Even I understand and even the man in front of me.Why couldn't he just drop the whole thing? AGGGGGHHHHH!

THEN, he rings up the next man who also has a return. He's returning one pair of pants that he bought and another that he received as a gift. TWO DIFFERENT TRANSACTIONS and TWO OPPORTUNITIES TO SCREW THINGS UP (I thought in my simmering head). It took him FOREVER to do the first, then for the second, he issued a store credit. "You're not giving me store credit are you?" said the crazy man. "I got this as a gift and couldn't find my size...so now you are FORCING me shop here again by giving me store credit?!" Uh-oh...two CrAzIeS at the register. They exchange a few words..."It's our store policy" vs "You don't have my size". Luckily, the manager was there and points out that he can use his store credit towards a catalog order where they may have his pant size.

This is where I start to turn into a crazy myself. Instead of the manager helping him out, Al begins to help out the man with how to use the in-store phone and place an order in the catalog.. Why is it that the ONLY man who can use the register is now on the phone with the Eddie Bauer catalog and the other workers are refolding shirts?!?!?! If I were the Incredible Hulk, I would be turning green and ripping my shirt (calm down, fellas).

At this point, on the inside, I am furious and my simmer is now a full-blown boil, but on the outside, my anger doesn't show as I quietly put my hand to my head and lean on the counter. Sigh.....that's all I could publicly muster!

Another worker sees my "frustration" and takes me to another counter...the return is done quickly, efficiently, AND thankfully without an incessant offer to save 10% by opening an Eddie Bauer card.