Whoa is me...
Beware...this isn't my typical Tanookie entry. It's actually a little bit darker, a little bit deeper, and a little more serious than my usual blog entries. I guess it was about due time that this blog might someday turn into a diary...public, of course! It's about starting my new job as a nurse practitioner.
Did I make the right decision? I thought I did. I think I did. I know I did? I know I was starting at the bottom of the hill. Starting over from scratch...I was once an ICU nurse where others turned to me for advice and guidance. Now, I'm alone...the only nurse practitioner in a practice full of experienced doctors. No one to relate to as a nurse, no one to look to for guidance. I have to find my own way...fumbling with each new week.
I hate that feeling...not knowing ANYTHING and acting like I know what they are talking about. I nod and nod, laugh, and verbally agree. Then I run back to my office and look up terms and diseases that I know nothing about. I wish I could download all this information into my head and spit it out in an intelligent language so that they can understand me. Sure I ask questions, but are they "intelligent" ones? Should I have known the answer already?
I knew I was taking a big risk working in a pediatric specialty with a Family Nurse Practitioner degree. Would I have been at an advantage if I were a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner? What if I weren't a PICU nurse? I am no doctor, just a nurse with a master's degree. In my office, my bare bookshelf does not compare to their bookshelves that are filled with medical journals and a vast amount of textbooks...some books they have written themselves! What books do I have? A medical dictionary to help me find the meaning of their everyday office jargon. A "Harriet Lane" book...best friend to a resident's pocket. My lonely pediatric textbook that we barely used in school. And a binder barely full of GI notes from class.
I guess with every up there is a down. And today was a down...tommorrow a new day and a new day to learn something...over and over again.
posted by Christina @ Monday, July 31, 2006
8 Comments:
"Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays"
-has
Can't complain though...Has cheered me up with some popsicles and Sour Mentos (been wondering what they tasted like)... :)
I agree with Has, you do have a case of the Mondays! *Kam makes irritating face at Chris*
Seriously, sounds like you are going through the same stress most of us went through starting out at a new job. Who cares what those other doctors think about you, you are helping people everyday. You will never know everything, so don't let that stress you out.
I agree with Kamran - we've all been through that feeling Christina. I go through it even now - EVEN TODAY. Some of the technical folks at work use all this technology jargon that goes right over my head. My advice - have you seen that one episode of the Simpsons when Homer just nods his head with a completely blank look while in reality he's thinking about cake - BE LIKE HOMER :) It makes life much easier ;)
Mmmm... cake....
Hey Chris, I know how you feel though we're in totally different professions. So many times particularly at my first internship at the ACLU they'd throw out terms and words and I also would just nod like "duh ofcourse" and then frantically google and research what the heck they were talking about. I always felt like the slow kid on the block. I kept waiting for them to figure this out... Overtime I learned that its normal and that we all feel that way at first.
If your only fear is you arent getting it. Know that you are not alone. In a few months you will be rattling off the terms as though it was the only natural thing in the world. Insh'allah :)
And on low days its certainly smart to eat popsicles. Good man you got there, lol :)
Btw- I asked this before. I dont know if you have time ... but I dont have hasan's email address. I was just cuirouis if he still has a blog.
Update: To add to the drama...I've been so busy that my one and only fish of 2.5 years has died without me knowing! I hope Murry doesn't end up with the same fate due to my ignorance!
Kamran--D'oh! Cake sound good and thanks for the advice!!!
Z--Thanks for the Homer-comparison. Definitely makes things lighter...
Aisha--Thanks for the advice! Glad to hear that everyone has similar feelings no matter what profession you are! Good luck with interning! Here's Hassan's email address: hshuja1@gl.umbc.edu
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