Standard Delays

The fists of fury are back...I've been thinking about this one for a while.


Every morning I have same exact routine (think "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray)...I get up, wash the face, brush the teeth, put the contacts on, tame the hair, and head to the closet to choose the outfit of the day. And keeping me company through it all is the television. It's my morning paper read out loud. Baltimore news is like the crime section mixed in with irresistable chewy bits of tabloid. "Paris Hilton Cleared of Allegations" or "Hearings Tackle Courthouse Complaints " FYI: both these stories are true!

Lately, weather men and women have been accurately forecasting hurricanes and tropical storms. We know their names sometimes better than our co-workers. We trust their expert advise on how to prepare for hurricaine force winds. Most importantly, we depend on them to officially name our hurricaines: "Katrina", "Ofelia", or "Rita". What would we do if we didn't have a name for these natural disasters? The anarchy! Coincidentally, these are all names of nurses I know...one of which was my old-manager and a natural disaster herself!!!

Anyways....
Sidekick to the weather report are the traffic updates. This is what I have been thinking a lot about lately. For some odd reason, I EASILY get annoyed at the traffic reporters. Talk about road rage...I want to find the television studio and drive my car right into the traffic room. Report that news!!!!! Maybe it's because I'm NOT a morning person or maybe it's because they tell me information that is completely useless.

I just don't understand this profession...do they have a degree in traffic science? Are they real news reporters starting out on the bottom rung of their careers? Do they get promoted to anchor once they have put their time in the news desk? How hard is it really to look at a road map or ride in a helicopter above the traffic and tell the public where you see traffic? At least the weathermen study meterology, but all traffic reporters do is tell me the SAME, EXACT information over and over again!

Aughhhhhh!

It makes me go iNsAnE everytime I hear Sarah Caldwell tell me "Standard delays on the west side starting from 40 to Wilkins." Every single morning I hear the same sentence word for word. Nothing new...nothing interesting. I truly beleive that there's no science or talent to traffic reporting...you just pick the time of rush hour to say the same exact sentence. "Standard delays in the northeast corner of the loop starting from BelAir Road to the tunnel." See, that wasn't hard to do at all!!!!! Say that sentence at 8:05 am and I'm a certified and reliable traffic reporter!!!! Whoooo0whoo!!!! Give me cute business suites to wear and nice cup of coffee on my desk.

I don't get it!!! Do they stand in traffic the same way the brave weatherman stand in the eye of the hurricane?!?!?!?! These poor weather people...they struggle to tell us what the hurricane is like live on television when can barely open their eyes or stand up straight for the camera because of 120 mph winds and rain!

Aghhhhhhhh! Help me understand this insanity, Al Roker!

But, NOOOOO!!!! These traffic reporters...they stay safe in their cozy little traffic desks trying to act like they know what's going on out there. Trying to be sympathetic with a sense of concern when an accident or construction delay occurs. They thrive on these inconveniences...what would they do if there were no delays?!?!? Become pedestrian traffic reporters on major city walkways?!?!? Will they let us know who has broken a high-heel in the middle of major intersection? Or will they tell us who has thrown their hotdog wrapper or spit out their gum in the sidewalk?

They don't have to sit in traffic like the rest of us. They are at work BEFORE the traffic happens. They don't endure the horrible traffic caused by heavy rains or sleeting snow. And half the time when they do tell me there is an accident, by the time I get there, the accident "has been cleared to the side of the road" and its over and done. What great information that is! Tell me something useful, like which potholes to maneuver around or what parking space is open in the garage. Better yet, tell me where the cheapest gas is in Baltimore-Metro area. And if they truly want to help me out with my morning commute...tell me where I can find today's police traps are so I can actually make it to work on time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!